


It's going to be a beautiful night

by Ghos-Tea (GhostJ)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Double Entendre, Flirting, I see you rolled a nat. 20 on seduction..., M/M, Mollymauk is a BAMF, Mollymauk makes... Friends?, Multi, Swordplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-29 19:20:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13933608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostJ/pseuds/Ghos-Tea
Summary: Following up on Liam’s comment that Caleb’s not going to be seducing people, my friends and I asked who in the Mighty Nein would be rolling those seduction checks.It would be Molly.Of course it would be.I.e. Where Molly saves the day with double entendres and his two-handed… sword… technique.





	It's going to be a beautiful night

**Author's Note:**

> My friends are horrible enablers – see AN at bottom for more details
> 
> This fic is unbeta'd (if you enjoy this fic and would like to beta similar fic for a wide range of podcasts - msg me!). Any and all spelling mistakes and OOCness are all my fault - if you notice something (my spellcheck or) I have missed, please don't hesitate to leave a note.
> 
> I own nothing at all to do with Critical Role or Geek and Sundry; just very respectfully and happily playing in their wheelhouse for a bit.
> 
> Lastly, I do not give permission for this, or any of my works, to be posted on GoodReads, remixed, or posted outside of Archive of Our Own.
> 
> If you like it, please consider leaving a kudo or a comment - it's always well appreciated :D

“Look, ‘m just asking. Are we _abso-fuckin’-lutely_ sure this is the _only_ way to go about this?”

Fjord leaned against the wall of the alleyway and gave the rest of the Mighty Nein a chance to respond. Well, the Mighty… _Fïve_? Nein seemed a bit more misleading than usual, as Yasha was making a start on the trail and Molly had gone to see her off while the others did a bit of supposedly light recognisance.

“Well…” Jester drawled, wrapping her cloak around her to ward off the night’s chill. “I suppose we _could_ just run up and hit him over the head really, _really_ , fast?”

Beau laughed without much humor. “With our luck you’ll brain the guy and then we’ll honestly be fucked.”

The Mighty Nein stood just back from the mouth of the alleyway, taking turns eyeing the sole guard stationed at the gateway to the auction house that was their current target. The young human man spent most of his time alternating between staring aimlessly into the mid-distance and scanning his surroundings, not currently concerned, but alert nonetheless.

Fjord turned to the party’s wizard. “An’you’re _sure_ you don’t have anythin’ in your arsenal that could help?”

“As I’ve mentioned, I’m quite tapped out.” Caleb frowned, his Zemnian accent becoming more pronounced with his agitation. “Unless you want _me_ to attempt…”

Fjord could clearly see Jester’s expression in the dim light, but hoped, for all their sakes, that Caleb could not. The wizard was already prissy at having exhausted his magics earlier in the night on what had turned out to be an almost literal dead-end and, for all his lack of _interest_ , Fjord didn’t think Caleb’d take kindly to being discounted off the bat either. “I don’t think the situation is quite desperate enough for you to throw yourself on that particular sword just yet, Caleb.”

“Well, I guess it’ll just have to be me.” Nott went to step out of the alleyway only to immediately find herself pulled back behind her companions. “Look, it’s obvious that _someone_ is going to have to take one for the team. I know I might not be the epitome of goblin, or human, attractiveness, but I know my way to a man’s heart.”

“Yes, but you generally get there through his ribs, _mein Schatten_.” Caleb said as he looked imploringly at the others. “And we will need you and Beau once we move past the gate, _ja_?”

“Yeah, no offence Nott. But if _that_ guy is into _you?_ We’ve got bigger problems to deal with.” Beau said as she cracked her knuckles loudly enough to warrant glares from Jester and Fjord.

“Not to make any assumptions,” Fjord said uneasily to the blue teifling across from him. “But I’m a bit surprised that _your_ suggestion was to knock him out.”

“Because my mother is a prostitute?”

Fjord gulped. “It- it just seems like you might’a had some schooling or the like as such that might help us out here.”

“I suppose I could try.” Jester said, and immediately walked out of the alleyway towards the guard.

The others waited for several tense minutes, watching as Jester spoke to the guard too quietly for them to hear. After a few moments though, the man suddenly jerked forward to full attention and made a sharp gesture with his hand towards his sword hilt. Jester quickly turned around and moved back towards the group, her back as tense as an angry cat’s as she faded back into the shadows past the guard’s torch. As they watched, the, now very much alert, guard, knocked twice on the locked door behind him, calling another guard from the watch-room just beyond.

“ _Sheisse_ ,” Caleb swore as Jester rejoined them. “What did you _do_?”

“I said he looked bored and asked if he wanted to leave to have sex,” Jester explained. “He said ‘no’ and told me to leave; he was very mean about it too.” Jester trailed off as she noticed the others staring at her with various expressions of disbelief.

“What?! It’s not like my mother has to _convince_ people to have sex with her.” Jester said, turning back to look at the guard again. “And he must have very high insight. Oh, look!" She giggled. "Now he has a _friend!_ ”

The others followed her gaze and it wasn’t only Caleb who swore this time, as it appeared that the second man had indeed taken up a post beside the first guard.

Fjord summoned his falchion with a particularly vicious hiss. “Well, I guess there’s nothin’ for it now. We’ll just apologise to the Guard Master when we bring her the dammed necklace.”

“ _Seriously?_ You’re _all_ still here?” Fjord’s charge was stopped short by Mollymauk stepping into the mouth of the alleyway to join the party. “I appreciate you all waiting for little-old me, but the night isn’t going to last _forever_.”

“Oh! You came just in time.” Jester clapped her hands happily, her good humour immediately restored now that everyone was back together. “We were just going to go and kill the guards.”

“Wait…” Molly raised a single dark eyebrow. “I thought we were explicitly told no killing on this one.”

“Well, Caleb is out of spells.” Nott stepped in front of the wizard as if to protect him from their potential scorn. “And, _apparently_ our party is very selective about who gets to seduce people.”

“Sorry darlin’,” Fjord said, managing to sound entirely unapologetic about having blocked that scenario. “But Caleb is right that we’ll need you more for when we get inside. I mean- _I_ could _try_ giving it a go, but… I’m not too proud to say that sort of charm is a bit beyond my ken.”

Jester patted his arm comfortingly.

“There, there Fjord. Just because you are sometimes a big booby, that doesn’t mean that no one will ever want to have sex with you. In fact-”

“So we are killing them, _ja_?” Caleb interrupted, trying to pull the conversation back on track.

"Why don’t we put a hold on that plan for just a few moments?” Molly said, a predatory rumble in his voice as he moved back out into the alley proper.

“Remember to have fun and don’t break them unless they ask very prettily!” Jester called out to him in infernal. Molly gave his friend a sly wave as he sauntered towards the guards, even as he heard her whisper to the others, “I was just warning him that they were _biiiig…_ meanies.”

Unbeknownst to Molly, the reason he could hear Jester so well was because she had moved forward to the alleyway’s mouth to get a better view, pulling out her sketchbook as she got comfortable in the shadows.

Fjord looked rather wide-eyed as he watched the violet teifling stalk down the alley. “I mean- But, there’s _two_ of them…”

“Oh _mein unschuldiger.._.” Caleb patted Fjord comfortingly on the arm, much as Jester had earlier. “The world is a _biiiig_ scary place sometimes.”

“I gotta ask, is _everything_ we’ve heard about seamen a lie?” Beau exchanged a pointed glance with Nott as they looked at their green-around-the-gills companion.

“I mean, did anyone think to roll an insight check on his backstory?” Nott looked up at Fjord consideringly. “For someone who claims to have spent so much time working with seamen, he does seem _awfully_ prudish.”

“ _Shhhh_ ,” Jester hissed at them without turning around, watching as Molly came within a few feet of the guards and engaged them in conversation. “I want to hear this.”

“Well, you know; seeing the sights and meeting new people. But I seem to have gotten myself a bit turned around…”

Although the rest of the Mighty Nein couldn’t make out the guards’ responses, Molly’s voice, undercut with a healthy dose of teasing laughter, was easy to hear from their lookout.

“Ohh I wouldn’t say _that_. I mean, you two seem awfully _friendly_ to me.”

They watched as Molly sauntered closer to the guards, positioning himself in the flickering torchlight so that the light caught on the chains and baubles hanging from his horns and outlined his lithe body in a warm glow.

“Oh fuck.” Fjord breathed, starting to step forward. “The _idiot_ took his swords-”

Jester grabbed his arm, pulling him to a short stop. “ _No,_ you’ll ruin his fun.”

“Why, _these_? Well, a man can’t be too careful now, can he? I’ve heard there’s all sorts of… _disreputable_ folk out and about on a night such as this.”

There was more unheard chatter between the guards, but, much to the party’s relief, nothing in thier stance indicated any negative response to Molly’s presence.

“Don’t worry, I’m very, _very_ skilled with both. I know it’s not for everyone, but I guess two-handed swordplay is a _particular_ pleasure of mine.”

Molly took a moment to move further into the guards’ space, standing just outside of touching distance.

“I wonder, if you wouldn’t be interested in a bit of a demonstration? To tell the truth, I was out here looking for a bit of a rumble at one of the locals, but, since I’ve gotten myself so turned around, I wonder if I could tempt you two into a bit of friendly… sparring… instead? It’s not every night that I meet a couple of new friends so _keenly_ interested in seeing how I handle a sword after all.”

The men at the gate exchanged a quick glance and one turned, fumbling a key out of his pocket that he used to quietly unlock the door before he and his partner slipped inside.

Molly gave a throaty laugh. “Oh, it’s just a _beautiful_ night, isn’t?” He said as he followed them inside, taking care to leave the door just ever so slightly ajar.

Jester finished her sketch and put away her book, clapping her hands sharply to snap her teammates out of their stupor.

“Come on, come on. I’m sure he’s _very_ good, but there are other guards and if we make him seduce them _all_ he will be sooo tired and cranky when we are run out of town.

I mean he would probably enjoy it very much, but it’s very rude to make him do _all_ the work, yes?”

**Author's Note:**

> AN: So my friends are dirty, dirty enablers. We were talking about Liam’s comment about how he wasn’t going to seduce Pumat Sol, and, as we’re all new Critters and know nothing of his previous characters, we all agreed that Caleb (all the wonderful fanfic notwithstanding) is a big ‘NO’ with a side of _‘Oh Hell No’_ when it comes to D &D seduction and immediately discussed who would do it with the obvious answer being Molly. 
> 
> Further discussion then led to the discussion that Molly is very likely a blunt-force seducer in the vein of:  
> “Oh look, I dropped something in your pants. And what I dropped was my hand. Strange how that happens.” (part of this was put forward by one of said friends)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed (good night/morning!)


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